I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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