Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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