I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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