he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
