I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
