it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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