I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
