I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
