I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
