Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize