What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
