I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
