I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
