Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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