Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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