Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
