you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
