I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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