Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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