The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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