you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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