remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
