and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
