would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
