Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
