So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
