I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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