Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
