He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
