You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
