Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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