plz talk dirty to me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
