But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
