Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
