I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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