I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
