if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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