I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
