I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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