I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize