told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
