The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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