I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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