im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And then he peed in my hair
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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