Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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