No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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