Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
