cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
