I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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