that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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