if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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