P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
