every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
