In the future we'll all be gay
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
