I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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