I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well I just put wine in my tea
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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