A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
