I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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