Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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