I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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