She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
