DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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