How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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