i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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