You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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