I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
