I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
