Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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