Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
