$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
