He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
